it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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