I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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