Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
