Your tits are I can't wait for
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
