I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
