i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
please come you make the beer taste better
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Houston, we have a blender
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
