It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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