wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
