hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
