i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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