I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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