There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
