Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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