I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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