just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
