____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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