Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
