Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
how can u be prego again
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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