I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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