I swear she didn't look like that last week.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
