Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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