Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Randomize
