too bad you live with your parents still
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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