Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
