the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
