Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
