how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
