there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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