im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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