Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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