if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
