I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
You're completely useless in the revolution.
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
