My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
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