There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Your cock deserves a montage
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
