I skipped work to stalk him.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
