I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
