Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
