did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Randomize
