I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
