I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
