ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
