dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
