yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
