mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
