One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Randomize
