ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
That accounts for only three of the penises
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
