i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Randomize
