Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
