I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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