i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
