I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
