i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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