I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
