You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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