It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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