I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
