dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
