a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
