I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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