u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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