You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
