you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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