For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
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